Category Archives: Dawn Novotny

How Excellent Must Your Memoir Be?

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by Jerry Waxler

This is the fifth part of my essay about Dawn Novotny’s memoir, “Ragdoll Redeemed: Living in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe.” Click here to read part one

When I decided to write my memoir, I entered a new chapter of my life. The beginning was easy. I just needed to gather the information and search for anecdotes and timelines. However, from the very beginning, I knew it would be my responsibility to create the illusion that readers were actually participating in the events. To meet that responsibility, I needed to learn many new language arts, such as scene building, sensory description, dialog, and story structure. As I learned, I continued to polish my manuscript, organize it, and incorporate feedback from critiques and edits.

Occasionally I think I’m getting close and I send it out to an editor for feedback. It always comes back with suggestions and concerns. After one recent submission, my editor told me about a weakness in my craft. She said my manuscript would be greatly improved if I developed my dialog with what she calls “beats.” Instead of just “he said,” then “she said,” I need to allow readers to see the characters. It would look something like this.

“blah blah blah,” he said, as he reached for a glass of water.

“blah blah, blah” she said, signaling to the waiter to bring the check.

Her instruction provided a wonderful teaching moment and another important step toward stylistic excellence. I could see what she meant. In the fiction I enjoy reading, the author interweaves all sorts of action into the mix. I now needed to follow her suggestion, and review my manuscript in an attempt to create more compelling scenes.

This project of turning life into a story has given me some of the most creative years of my lifetime. I love pushing my skill to higher levels, forcing me to learn how to create the same effects that I have been enjoying as a reader for years. But I also have mixed feelings about this new round of improvements. The techniques of scene-building require that I remember ever-increasing details from decades earlier. Would the value of my story really be that much greater if I remember the glint of light through a window, or the sound of water dripping from the sink, or a foot tapping nervously?

And another question arises. I have to decide if I really want to spend more months or even years increasing my ability to put talking characters into a room so readers can see the background. I want to present my case to a higher authority. “Isn’t it sufficient just to repeat the conversation?” But I know the higher authority is the reader, and if I can create a story worth reading, I will have succeeded.

Someday, my memoir will be ready and I hope when I finally do publish it, it will offer readers as interesting a journey as possible. Exactly, when I will cross that chasm from a private life to a public one will rely on a complex interplay of esthetic judgment and courage. Until that moment, readers and I will remain on opposite sides of the chasm. At some point, I will have to take the leap.

As the memoir wave continues to grow into a tsunami, and increasing numbers of people are feeling the desire to share their stories, each writer will face this decision. And when I read self-published or small-published memoirs, I am on the receiving end of their sense of timing. Should they have waited longer? Wasn’t it wonderful and sufficient that they had come this far and given me a story about the years of their lives?

For example, when I read “Ragdoll Redeemed: Growing Up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe”  by Dawn Novotny, I attempted to learn all sorts of lessons from her life story. And I also attempted to learn from her decision to publish. As a story reader, I notice gaps in language and storytelling skills, issues that would not have survived the editing process of a traditional publisher. As a result, many episodes violate the storyteller’s mandate to “show don’t tell” and would have received all sorts of skill-building suggestions from my editor. If Novotny had waited until she had reached a higher bar, she would not have had the satisfaction of sharing her story, and I would not have had the satisfaction of reading it.

I’m glad she chose to publish it, because her memoir puts things in perspective, and helps me remember the power of the memoir revolution. Everyone now has the option of taking this fascinating journey of writing a memoir, and then actually moving it from the privacy of a manuscript to the public sharing of a book. Novotny has taken the plunge, and realized one of the great benefits of modern times. We are allowing ourselves the freedom to get to know each other, our mistakes, our pain, and our wisdom. When we pass each other on the street, our stories are invisible. In the age of the memoir, we discover that we all are living our stories.

After every memoir workshop I’ve taught, students say, “People are so interesting,” or “I didn’t realize people had such extraordinary experiences.” Dawn Novotny’s memoir shares yet another one of those remarkable stories. It happens to touch on the lives of some of the people we know as household names, Marilyn Monroe, and Joe Dimaggio. But even those famous characters spill over into real life, with its complexity, dreams, faults, and emotional challenges.

The fact that it is not perfect story crafting is only one aspect of the book. It is in fact, a passionate, interesting, and engaging journey through a person’s life. Every memoir teaches me lessons, first about the variety of human experience, and second, about the craft of transforming life into story. Now in the age of self- and small-publishing, I also learn about the courage to step out from the shields of privacy and share our lives with readers.

Notes

Dawn Novotny, RagDoll Redeemed: Growing up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe

Dawn Novotny’s blog and home page

To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here.

To order my step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here.

Will the Examined Life Become a Memoir Subgenre?

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by Jerry Waxler

This is the fourth part of my essay about Dawn Novotny’s memoir, “Ragdoll Redeemed: Living in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe.” Click here to read part one

If the only books you read are ones you find in the bookstore, you might conclude that memoir writers limit their attention to small segments of life. However, many aspiring memoir writers who attend my writing workshops have a much broader agenda. They are interested in discovering the meaning of their entire lives and are trying to envision the character arc not just across a few years, but across decades.

Unfortunately, this desire to portray the panorama of a life violates a central mandate of the memoir genre. According to agents, editors, and teachers, a memoir should be about a slice of life, preferably a short one. According to these rules, if you include too much, for example including your childhood and adulthood in the same story, you bump up against the label “autobiography” which supposedly guarantees a rejection.

I have heard fiction writing teachers say “the less backstory the better,” and that “you always need less backstory than you think you do.” Modern readers supposedly are too impatient to stick with a character for too long. The trend toward shorter, tighter time frames reaches a crescendo in the hit television series, 24. Each one-hour episode chronicles the events of an hour in story-time.

This was not always the case. In early versions of the novel, authors were allowed to trace the origins of their characters. In one of my favorite novels Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, the power of the story arises from the pressures that build up across decades. And Daniel Defoe’s Moll Flanders traces the course of the protagonist’s whole life.

Now, as increasing numbers of people are drawn by the allure of the memoir revolution, we are beginning to notice that this literary form can help us make sense of who we are and where we’ve been. Memoirs are a perfect place to tie together the chapters of your life, to see how one thing led to another, and to discover the wisdom hidden within our own experience. As we look back across decades and try to capture their psychological complexity, the backstory is crucial.

Our reading preferences are beginning to reveal this awakening curiosity. Blockbusters such as Angela’s Ashes and Glass Castle, provide intimate insight into the way their protagonists grow up. Those books and others like them helped launch the memoir revolution. And another reading trend provides even more proof that we are interested in the way people emerge into adulthood. Harry Potter, one of the bestselling stories of all time, was about a young person Coming of Age. He had so much to figure out, and so do we. Apparently, we collectively crave deeper understanding of this process.

I recently found a memoir Ragdoll Redeemed: Growing Up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe by Dawn Novotny that demonstrates this longer search for meaning. By including her whole life, Novotny showed me how all the parts fit together. If she had limited her story just to the neglect and abuse during childhood, I would never have learned how that childhood led to her failed marriages. If she only wrote about her troubled young adulthood, I would never have understood the period of growth and wisdom that came later. Over this longer time frame, she portrayed a compelling dramatic arc.

By including all the stages of her life, Novotny allowed me to experience her fascinating journey, from shame, to troubles, to redemption. These long-term developments are among the most satisfying rewards of lifestory reading and writing, and I’m glad Ragdoll Redeemed extended beyond the “standard” definition of memoir.

Tips for your Memoir

When you first attempt to write the story of your life, you may be tempted to follow Dawn Novotny’s lead and include the whole thing. I encourage you to submit to that temptation, at least for early drafts. Once you record the whole thing on paper, you have a number of options.

For example, this longer version could provide wonderful raw material from which to find a shorter segment with a tighter focus. Or you could break it into sequential volumes, the way Frank McCourt did with Angela’s Ashes and Tis, or the way Mary Karr did with Liar’s Club and Cherry, or the way Haven Kimmel did with A Girl Named Zippy and She Got Up Off the Couch. Or perhaps you will be so excited to have been through this creative process, you will decide to ignore the rules and publish it in its entirety.

You don’t need to decide now. By the time you are ready, perhaps the industry will change, as it always does. Perhaps some memoir of a complete life will cross over and become a New York Times bestseller and establish the validity of Life Reviews as a sub-genre, and then publishers will be just as interested in the story of your lifetime as you are.

Notes

Other memoirs from my reading list that offer a life review: Boyd Lemon’s Digging Deep about his attempt to understand his three failed marriages. Harry Bernstein’s Golden Willow about the journey of his 67 years of marriage. Frank McCourt’s Teacher Man recaps his journey as a teacher. And Alan Alda’s Never Have Your Dog Stuffed about a lifetime journey as an actor.

Dawn Novotny, RagDoll Redeemed: Growing up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe

Dawn Novotny’s blog and home page

To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here.

To order my step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here.

In Memoirs, Changing Thoughts Reveal the Wisdom of a Lifetime

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by Jerry Waxler

Read Memoir Revolution to learn why now is the perfect time to write your memoir.

This is the third part of my essay about Dawn Novotny’s memoir, “Ragdoll Redeemed: Living in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe.” Click here to read part one

Dawn Novotny’s memoir “Ragdoll Redeemed: Growing up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe” satisfies the requirement for any good story. The end relieves the tension set in motion at the beginning. This central tension is summarized in the book’s title. As a child, Novotny was a “ragdoll” who had been used and abused. By the end of the book, she was redeemed by a life well-lived.

Wisdom requires thoughtful understanding

As a child, Novotny suffers at the hands of adults, who neglect and mistreat her. When she is old enough she begins to make mistakes of her own. By her second marriage, she becomes convinced she is worthless. Finally, so empty she has nothing left to lose, she begins to look for wisdom.

One of her important steps in that direction is her participation in the seventies self-development movement. I’m fascinated by that time when a vast number of people attempted to peer into the workings of their minds and search for new perspectives that could help them escape self-destructive patterns. She experienced one of the most famous elements of that movement, the long weekends called “est” (Erhard Seminar Training). Her stories of how those seminars help her grow give me a glimpse not only into her development, but also into the cultural shift of the times.

Out of those explorations, Novotny shares two of the best life-changing ah-has! I have read in a memoir. First she describes the moment she realizes she is responsible for her own actions and their results. She repeats the phrase “cause and effect” to herself over and over as if it’s the first time it occurred to her that her decisions affect the quality of her life. The realization changed her forever.

Second, she shares an equally important realization that she is caught in an infinite loop. As a young woman she becomes convinced that men objectify her. She hates them for that, until she realizes with a shock that by rigidly assuming all men have this attitude, she is unconsciously objectifying them. Once she realizes her part in the vicious circle, she shifts to directly perceive of individuals, rather than her objectified fantasy of them. The realization marks another crucial transition.

Typically, publishable stories are supposed to focus on external events. By describing what happens in the room, our stories are supposed to let the reader see what happens inside the character. But too extreme an emphasis on external action could hobble our ability to tell our most powerful stories.

The field of Existential Psychology reveals the enormous power our beliefs have over our sense of emotional well being. And so, the changes and impact of core beliefs can be an important, even central element of an authentic life story. I believe the memoir revolution has expanded our collective appreciation for the psychological dimension of storytelling. Because memoirs are seen through the eyes of the protagonist, the mental “action” becomes as knowable as the physical. By developing the dramatic tension within the protagonist’s mind, we begin to see each other more authentically, and learn about the rich developments of our inner journey.

I remember the first time I became aware of the importance of a changing belief in a memoir. It was in “Colored People” by Henry Louis Gates. The young boy, who grew up  in a small town in Jim Crow south, had to be rushed to a hospital in a nearby city where a kind hospital chaplain befriended him. They were playing chess when the elder man told the boy that there were larger ideas than the ones he learned in his small town. The revelation lifted the lid off of his restricted way of looking at the world and changed his life, providing a stepping stone. Gates is now a professor at Harvard University. Another life redeemed by ideas.

Writing Prompt
What shift in your beliefs changed your decisions or feelings. If you remember where you were when such a shift occurred, write the scene.

Notes
Dawn Novotny, RagDoll Redeemed: Growing up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe

Dawn Novotny’s blog and home page

Click here to for the surprisingly readable textbook on Existential Psychotherapy by famous psychotherapy author Irvin Yalom

To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here.

To order my step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here.

If this memoir author is famous, maybe you are too

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by Jerry Waxler

This is the second part of my essay about Dawn Novotny’s memoir, “Ragdoll Redeemed: Living in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe.”  Click here to read part one

Who is this person and why should I care?

In memoir workshops and talks, people often ask me “Why would anyone care about my life?” My answer has two parts.

One: By crafting the story you will begin to understand the answer to your own question. As you write, you delve deeper into your own journey. You learn how the parts fit together, and attempt to develop story-values that will make the journey worth reading. Writing a memoir is a fabulous creative exercise that can help you grow more self-aware, and wiser about the journey of your own life.

Two: People who read memoirs are curious about the journeys of the people around them. If they only wanted impeccable storycrafting, they could choose from the vast selection of novels whose authors can invent whatever they want. Instead, we reach for memoirs because of our passion for actual human experience. I have read hundreds of memoirs because I am fascinated by the stories of real people. Write your memoir for readers like me.

If she is famous, maybe you are too

Before the twenty-first century, most memoirs were about celebrities. Famous people are fun to read about because it feels like we’re learning about old friends. This is one reason I read “Ragdoll Redeemed: Living in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe.” Novotny’s first husband, Joe Junior, was the son of the baseball giant, Joe Dimaggio. Joe Junior’s step-mom was Marilyn Monroe. By reading about Novotny’s life, I thought I could learn the background of these famous people.

But Novotny was not famous herself and neither was her husband. She was famous twice removed. The presence of her memoir on my book shelf points to a fascinating trend in the twenty-first century. The very notion of “fame” is changing. Through the internet we all know people who know people. Like the old game of Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, the internet age has ushered in the six degrees of every one of us. As we continue to grow increasingly connected to each other, fame in the internet age spreads out exponentially.

In fact, despite her connection with one of the most famous people in the world, I actually heard about Dawn Novotny through Linda Joy Myers, the president of the National Association of Memoir Writers, who wrote the foreword to the book. I was attracted to “Ragdoll Redeemed” because of my respect for Linda Joy’s energetic work with memoir writers, and her belief in the power of memoirs. And now that I am writing about the book, you have another way to know about Dawn Novotny. You know her because you heard about her from me.

When you ask yourself, “Why would anyone care about my life?” don’t ask it as a rhetorical question and assume the answer is “no one.” Switch it into an actual question, and then attempt to arrive at a specific, compelling answer.

First, when potential readers consider your book, they will be interested to learn that you have spent years plying the craft to create a story that contains dramatic tension and release. You will boil down the essence of your findings in the subtitle and blurb and readers will decide if they want to participate in your exploration. Part of their joy of reading your memoir will be to learn about your creative process. You are showing your readers how a writer can turn a lifetime into a book. Any memoir reader would be interested in that.

Second, out of all the people in the world, some of them are curious about you. Consider all the potential readers you are or will be connected with through various personal and internet groups. In addition, to internet acquaintances there are also people who want to know more about your situation. If you grew up in the Midwest, or are involved in Twelve Step programs, or love to quilt, people who had those experiences will relate to yours. For example, when Tracy Seeley wrote “My Ruby Slippers: The Road to Kansas and a Sense of Place” anyone from Kansas might wonder about her journey.

As we warm up to living in the internet age, we aspiring memoir writers are participating in this shift of attention from traditional fame to a new version that includes everyone. And Dawn Novotny’s life journey represents a perfect model for this transition. She started out as a rag doll, living as an object of other people’s dreams. Gradually she discovered that she is a real person. We’re doing the same thing as a culture, moving from the old-fashioned definition of fame in which we only cared about inaccessible stars on a pedestal, to a new definition that opens us up to authentic people. By writing a memoir we can share our authenticity with people who crave that sort of thing.

Notes

Dawn Novotny, RagDoll Redeemed: Growing up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe

Dawn Novotny’s blog and home page

Another memoir by someone who grew up in the shadow of fame is by Erik Erikson’s daughter Sue Bloland. In her memoir “In the Shadow of Fame,” she wrote about the strange experience of growing up near her father who was a famous psychologist. Speaking of reenactment, she too became a therapist.

This is the second part of my essay about Dawn Novotny’s memoir, “Ragdoll Redeemed: Living in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe.” Click here to read part three

More memoir writing resources

To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here.

To order my step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here.

A Memoir That Relieves the Lifelong Burden of Shame

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by Jerry Waxler

In her memoir Ragdoll Redeemed,  Dawn Novotny reveals the sexual abuse she suffered as a child. Sexual abuse hurts for a lifetime, leaving behind a coating of shame. As long as it’s hidden, the memory maintains itself in its original form. One of the remarkable benefits of the memoir revolution is that it gives us the opportunity to relieve ourselves of hidden burdens. Now that she has transferred the incident from memory to book, the truth becomes blazingly clear. The perpetrator is the shameful one. And as the story proceeds, these disturbing events take their place among the rich pantheon of her lifelong experiences.

Novotney’s memoir, Ragdoll Redeemed, is not just about her childhood. It’s about growing up and being swept along by decisions made by and for her. It turns out that in addition to shame, her childhood experiences add another sort of burden. They teach her who we she is supposed to be. So as she grows up, Novotny expects to be used, which sets the stage for the middle period of her life.

Reenactment
The key event that started Dawn Novotny across the threshold from child to adult, was an attraction to a man who happened to be son of the famous baseball player Joe Dimaggio. She reminded Joe Dimaggio junior of his famous step-mother, Marilyn Monroe. Judging from the pictures on the cover, she looks like Marilyn, and based on the parallels of their abusive childhoods, she also had similar self-esteem and family problems.

Such an attraction is a fascinating example of “reenactment” meaning Dimaggio, Jr. was selecting a partner who would let him continue the journey of his childhood. Earlier in my life, I assumed that people are driven by rational forces, and that notions like reenactment would only make sense to overly educated psychologists . But after I became a therapist, I quickly  realized that reenactment is quite normal. We are often pulled into life situations in which we attempt to replay circumstances of our childhood. The phenomenon often drives us to select partners uncannily reminiscent of our family history.

Once it became obvious to me that it happened regularly, I noticed that it turns up in memoirs, too. And Dawn Novotny’s Ragdoll Redeemed is a perfect example of crucial life decisions that were based on the reenactment of primitive childhood experience. Joe Dimaggio, Jr. wanted to reenact his childhood fantasies of being close to Marilyn Monroe. And because Novotny had been repeatedly abused by men who looked at her as a sexual object, she was willing to go along with Dimaggio’s fantasy and become an object that would fulfill his needs. How strange and fascinating!

Fortunately, Novotny’s story does not stop there. She keeps going, searching for the next step and the next, which eventually leads her past mistakes, to a search for wisdom. By showing us the long journey of being an adult, in the end, the book is about developing a deep appreciation for the narrative of a lifetime, a troubling, fascinating journey that was finally “redeemed” as she puts it, or in my words, finally makes sense.

This is the first part of my essay about Dawn Novotny’s memoir, Ragdoll Revealed. In the next parts, I will talk about her fame, lifelong search for wisdom, the structure of the memoir, and some comments on the memoirs stylistic choices.

Notes

Dawn Novotny, RagDoll Redeemed: Growing up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe

Dawn Novotny’s blog and home page

Related article: Sue William Silverman, Fearlessly Confessing the Dark Side of Memory in this Memoir of Sexual Abuse

Ragdoll Redeemed: Growing Up in the Shadow of Marilyn Monroe
Dawn Novotny’s Ragdoll Redeemed inspired a series of essays about the memoir writer’s search for truth. The series covers issues about shame, fame, wisdom, life review, and the craft of memoir writing.

A Memoir That Relieves the Lifelong Burden of Shame
If This Memoir Author is Famous, Maybe You Are Too
In Memoirs, Changing Thoughts Reveal the Wisdom of a Lifetime
Will the Examined Life Become a Memoir Subgenre?
How Excellent Must Your Memoir Be?

More memoir writing resources

To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here.

To order my step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here.