http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog Hundreds of Essays and Interviews to Help You Read and Write Memoirs Tue, 15 May 2012 12:09:55 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 2006-2007 jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) Self-help 1440 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/LearnMemoirCoverFront-small.jpg http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 144 144 Reading and writing memoirs. Record the Stories of Your Life, tips, how-to, memoir book reviews, by Jerry Waxler memoir, writers, self-help, book-reviews, essays Jerry Waxler Jerry Waxler jerrywaxler@yahoo.com no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt3/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt3/#comments Tue, 01 May 2012 12:07:06 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=1514 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt3/feed/ 1 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt2/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt2/#comments Wed, 25 Apr 2012 11:41:44 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=1507 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt2/feed/ 1 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt1/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt1/#comments Tue, 17 Apr 2012 11:57:03 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=1503 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/elhajj-interview-pt1/feed/ 2 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/fear-publish-ten-more-tips/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/fear-publish-ten-more-tips/#comments Wed, 21 Apr 2010 12:27:41 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=772 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/fear-publish-ten-more-tips/feed/ 0 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/social-anxiety-10-tips/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/social-anxiety-10-tips/#comments Tue, 13 Apr 2010 11:34:39 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=766 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/social-anxiety-10-tips/feed/ 1 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/fugitive-days-memoir-vietnam/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/fugitive-days-memoir-vietnam/#comments Thu, 19 Mar 2009 13:46:52 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=435 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/fugitive-days-memoir-vietnam/feed/ 2 0:09:09 by Jerry Waxler In the 60′s, I vigorously protested the Vietnam War, but like most Americans I thought the organization called the Weather Underground had gone too far. Without knowing many details, I associated them with violent, irrational e[...] by Jerry Waxler In the 60′s, I vigorously protested the Vietnam War, but like most Americans I thought the organization called the Weather Underground had gone too far. Without knowing many details, I associated them with violent, irrational extremism. So I was surprised to hear that one of the founders of that organization was not only a free man. He was an acclaimed educator. I first heard about Bill Ayers during the 2008 presidential campaign when television ads implied that Ayers’ criticism of U.S. policy in Vietnam somehow tainted Barack Obama. The publicity intrigued me. I wanted to know more. After hearing an excellent radio interview with Bill Ayers, I decided to read his memoir “Fugitive Days.” Reading the book prodded me to review rusty old parts of my own beliefs. When Ayers was a young man, his outrage against the war drove him to the brink of anarchy. In his memoir, “Fugitive Days,” he chronicles his violent thoughts and actions in almost poetic detail. Even after reading the memoir, it’s hard for me to decide if he was a hero who risked his life to save the world from the insanity of war, or a mad child, a criminal, bent on imposing his will on society. And therein lays the power of the memoir. It shows his world as it was, not as it ought to have been, allowing me to see for myself and ask my own questions. The description of life through his eyes provided a deeper understanding of the world than I could gain from sound bites and stereotypes. Are young people idealistic or simple minded? When I was young, adults taught me that people are supposed to be kind, generous, and empathetic. I desperately wanted to live in a world driven by these ideals. Too often, the difference between the world they preached and the one they actually offered made me angry. So I protested, trying to badger them into following their own principles. However, demanding change turned out to be far more complex than I first had hoped. After I participated in my first riot, I realized I was contributing to the very chaos that I wanted to stop. The protest movement became increasingly strident at my alma mater, University of Wisconsin in Madison, until a climax in the1970 bombing of the Army Math Research Center. At 3 AM, when the bombers expected the building to be empty, a young physics researcher unrelated to the Army or the war was killed by the blast, exposing the dark side of extreme protest. More disturbing still, moral outrage against government policies can be used to justify all sorts of violent protest. For example, the Oklahoma City bombers claimed they were obeying higher principles, a justification that comes all too close to the reasoning of the Weather Underground. According to Ayers, his group never took part in an action that resulted in a death, so the book does not justify murder. In fact, the book does very little justifying at all. Rather than analyzing his actions, or even looking back at them with the hindsight of an older man, Ayers offers an immersion experience in that period. Just as you wouldn’t expect to see cell phones in a movie about the Vietnam War, Ayers also tries to keep his thoughts appropriate for a young man during the height of the Vietnam war protests. Feminism was still in the future In Bill Ayers’ time the feminist movement had not yet been born, so during his story, men were freely using women and justifying it with all sorts of theoretical excuses. Women were starting to complain, and in a rare nod to the future development of the feminist movement, Ayers hints at the tensions coming to the surface. Structure is interesting: In Medias Res The organizational structure of the book is interesting. The opening scene pulls me in with a bang. Ayers and his cronies are on the run, and they hear about the death of a comrade, letting me know they are all in mortal danger. This technique of “in medias res,” or starting in the midst of t[...] 60's Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-fourth-step/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-fourth-step/#comments Tue, 28 Oct 2008 12:13:08 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=252 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-fourth-step/feed/ 1 0:07:46 Now, as I study memoir writing, I believe I have stumbled upon another connection with the Twelve Steps. The Fourth Step says, "We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." The goal of taking this inventory is to replace vague sor[...] Now, as I study memoir writing, I believe I have stumbled upon another connection with the Twelve Steps. The Fourth Step says, "We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." The goal of taking this inventory is to replace vague sorrows of "having messed up," with more detailed information. It's an important exercise for addicts who, in their pressure to obtain the next buzz, overrode their conscience more often than they would like to remember. Addiction Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/mothers-daughter-abandonment/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/mothers-daughter-abandonment/#comments Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:03:21 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=231 Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/mothers-daughter-abandonment/feed/ 0 0:09:07 This book demonstrates the power of persistence. By crafting the story until she got it right, Linda Joy Myers discovered amidst the wreckage of that little girl's childhood an intact human being, complete with courage, confidence, and dreams. Story[...] This book demonstrates the power of persistence. By crafting the story until she got it right, Linda Joy Myers discovered amidst the wreckage of that little girl's childhood an intact human being, complete with courage, confidence, and dreams. Storytelling transformed her heartbreaking childhood into one stage in a much longer saga. Her suffering and then her healing provide both a tragedy and an inspiration about the wisdom a human can achieve in one life time. Service Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/good-shame-improves-memories/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/good-shame-improves-memories/#comments Wed, 23 Jan 2008 11:44:33 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/good-shame-improves-memories/ Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/good-shame-improves-memories/feed/ 5 0:00:01 John Bradshaw teaches me lessons about shame. One Friday night, I drove 50 miles to Philadelphia to hear a lecture by John Bradshaw, the author of bestsellers "Homecoming" and "Healing the Shame that Binds You." He has been writing about shame for so long the Philadelphia Inquirer dubbed him the Shaman of Shame. Despite his world-class credentials, I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend an evening learning about this edgy topic when I could be relaxing at home. But curiosity prevailed, and I'm glad I went. The evening's insights have helped me answer some of the deepest mysteries of my life. My powerful ah-ha resulted from Bradshaw's simple observation that there are two types of shame. Introspection, Trauma Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/too-many-secrets-hide-my-spark/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/too-many-secrets-hide-my-spark/#comments Thu, 10 Jan 2008 11:51:06 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/too-many-secrets-hide-my-spark/ Continue reading →]]> http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/too-many-secrets-hide-my-spark/feed/ 8 0:00:01 by Jerry Waxler (This blog is also available as an audio file. See the Podcast player control at the end of this post.) When I was 12 years old, I used to sneak out by myself and set fire to autumn leaves. The excitement of the flames blinded me to [...] by Jerry Waxler (This blog is also available as an audio file. See the Podcast player control at the end of this post.) When I was 12 years old, I used to sneak out by myself and set fire to autumn leaves. The excitement of the flames blinded me to the danger. Fortunately I never did any damage and was never caught, but now I look back on my actions with horror. I hate the way these memories make me feel, and generally avoid talking about things that make me sound like a criminal. As I work on my memoir, such memories confuse me. Should I include them or leave them out? Of course I could pretend they never happened. But that solution perpetuates a problem I’ve been trying to overcome since I was a child. I used to believe that people weren’t supposed to have emotions, and I did my best to pretend I had none. The earliest example of this belief comes from seventh grade. I was scandalized when my fellow classmates burst into laughter over some sexual innuendo. How childish! To distance myself from humiliating feelings, I spent my teenage years doing homework or working at my dad’s drugstore. When I wanted a break, I read science fiction novels. This tendency to separate myself from emotions made me seem distant and aloof. I was in a sort of self-imposed exile from the human condition. It took years to break through my own walls. Gradually with the help of therapy, a graduate program in counseling, and the support of compassionate friends, I learned that emotions are as necessary for a satisfying life as eating. I knew I was making progress when, in my fifties, I walked into the office at Villanova University’s graduate program in counseling psychology. Two of my tenured professors were experimenting with a remote controlled whoopee cushion. They roared with laughter every time the device let loose a simulated fart. I laughed along with them, perhaps not with their childlike glee, but at least I wasn’t horrified, the way I would have been when I was 12. Now that I’m writing my memoir, I wrestle with every detail that was illegal, immoral, or embarrassing. It all seems so private, and yet it’s all part of my life. How do I decide? To do this right, I remember that the end product of my disclosure is not an encyclopedia. It’s a story. When Michelangelo was sculpting David, he started with a block of granite, and tossed away the rubble to expose the beauty hidden within. By writing a memoir I must discover the real me in a pleasing form. I dredge through memories, not certain yet what to put in. At this stage, I’m just looking for the raw material. The most dramatic period was during my college years at the University of Wisconsin in Madison during the Vietnam War protests. My adult years are less colorful. I reminisce about my visit to the Great Pyramids on my 30th birthday, and then feel the frustration on my 31st birthday when my boss ordered me to help clean out the septic system. I slip again into the turmoil of my adolescent years, and as I muse I notice a powerful connection. Around the same time I was in junior high school glowering at classmates for laughing at sexual references, I was sneaking out at night on secret missions to start fires. Wow. Freud claimed that if repressed emotions don’t come out one way they’ll come out another. My adolescence would have made a terrific demonstration of his point. That’s interesting but must I write it in a memoir for all to see? My childhood preference tells me to skip the whole mess. But to sanitize my story means overriding decades of effort to break out of this shell. Without edgy moments, my memoir will be about a boring person. If I include them, I will be able to show the tension between what is and what can be. By acknowledging the messiness of the journey, I not only make myself appear more human. I discover some of the most exhilarating aspects of my experience. My imperfections are exactly what for[...] How-to Jerry Waxler no no