http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 200 Essays and Interviews to Help You Read and Write Memoirs Fri, 03 Sep 2010 14:38:44 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 2006-2007 jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) Self-help 1440 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/LearnMemoirCoverFront-small.jpg http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 144 144 Reading and writing memoirs. Record the Stories of Your Life, tips, how-to, memoir book reviews, by Jerry Waxler memoir, writers, self-help, book-reviews, essays Jerry Waxler Jerry Waxler jerrywaxler@yahoo.com no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/senior-adult-storyteller/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/senior-adult-storyteller/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:10:10 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=466 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/senior-adult-storyteller/feed/ 8 7:08 by Jerry Waxler When I see wrinkles, around my own eyes or someone else's, I think of all the experiences hidden behind them, decades of life ... by Jerry Waxler When I see wrinkles, around my own eyes or someone else's, I think of all the experiences hidden behind them, decades of life now strewn throughout the vast tundra of the mind. If only I could know those memories, they might teach me important lessons and they certainly would bring deeper appreciation for the journey. What had those eyes seen? But memories are unknowable in their scattered and disorganized state, and until recently, I was one of the multitudes who had no inkling of how to convert a lifetime of memories into a story. Now, as I scan my life, I think I see the reason. During my childhood, every Wednesday my dad came home from his drugstore to join us for dinner. Using the table as a pulpit, Dad's voice swelled with excitement. "This guy walked in and showed me a half empty tube of ointment. He said it wasn't working." Then Dad laughed. "He wanted to return it. Can you believe it?" He slapped the table. My mother, sister, and I ate quietly, and when Dad paused we said "Umm," giving him the desired reassurance that it was the other guy who was crazy. Then he plowed on to another story and another. I barely thought about those dinners for most of my life. But now that I'm writing a memoir, I replay the scenes, and learn about my family and myself. If Dad had been a real storyteller, he would have been attentive to his audience's reaction, providing us with enough information to enter the scene. As a storyteller Dad would have been tuning into our response, watching our body language, and steering his story in a way that would capture and move our imagination. But Dad's anecdotes lacked detail. And even more important, he dominated the room with his feelings, rather than giving us the psychic space to get in touch with our own. The narratives had a few elements of storytelling, but not enough to be entertaining. Of course, I can't just blame Dad. Storytelling is not taken very seriously in our culture, and I doubt he was taught much about it. I know I wasn't. After 18 years of education, I can't remember a single course about how to shape a story of myself. As a result, whenever I tried to tell about my experiences, memories tumbled and tangled and I grew accustomed to evading the subject altogether. In my forties, I began to wish I had grown up learning this skill. At first, it was just a sadness, a gripe. I complained to the Fates, "Why didn't I learn?" And then, when no good answer followed, I shrugged, unable to see a path beyond my limited ability. An adult can learn to tell stories Finally, after years of whining about not being a born story teller, I began to read books about it. For example, I read Robert McKee's book called "Story," and Chris Vogler's book, "The Writer's Journey." Gradually I gained confidence that storytelling can be learned, and like Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, I was prepared to demand it as my inalienable right. But I found a new problem. Trying to improve my ability to construct a story made me feel vulnerable. What if my initial attempts were laughable, amateurish, and made me look stupid? The thought of being criticized actually frightened me. Fortunately, I had already experienced and conquered a similar fear. A few years earlier, I wanted to speak in public. My initial attempts indeed made me feel stupid, moronic, and incompetent. I kept pushing. I joined Toastmasters International, attended their meetings and followed their system. After a couple of years, I was no longer afraid, and could speak in front of an audience. I wanted to repeat this learning process, finding groups to help me overcome my fear of writing. Writing groups are harder to find than Toastmasters was, but gradually, through persistent networking and internet research, I located and joined a variety of writing groups... Some at my local library... some listed on the internet... Some monthly meetings and some annual conferences. The more I connected with ot Aging, Courage to Write, Family Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/attitudes-memoir-writers/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/attitudes-memoir-writers/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:40:16 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=390 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/attitudes-memoir-writers/feed/ 5 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/#comments Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:39:26 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/feed/ 6 5:45 by Jerry Waxler When I first heard the phrase "Be Here Now" in the early seventies, it was from the title of a book by ... by Jerry Waxler When I first heard the phrase "Be Here Now" in the early seventies, it was from the title of a book by Ram Dass. According to the book, the best way to live a full life is to savor your direct experience, whether smelling a flower, watching a sunset, or even when experiencing the sadness of a loss. By paying close attention, you can penetrate the mysteries of the cosmos. As a hippie, I had little interest in learning from the past. And I certainly wasn't spending much time planning for the future. So I didn't think Ram Dass was telling me anything new. Then I went to work for a living and staggered under the pressure. No wonder I had avoided working for so long. This was hard! I looked for tools to help me regain my poise and one of the most powerful turned out to be the one I didn't think I needed -- To Be Here Now. I started to meditate, and with practice I did occasionally spot glimpses of peace right there in the office. I was grateful to take advantage of this ancient technique from the East. But the mystics never said success was easy. It may take a life time to get it right. Meanwhile, I continued to look for additional ways to make each moment better. One evening I complained to my therapist about feeling anxious. She said I would feel better if I brought my attention back to the moment, and she taught me a trick. Use words to describe my immediate surroundings. She said this verbal exercise would stimulate the cerebral cortex and put my conscious mind back in control. I looked around her office and noted her diploma hanging on the wall, her desk piled with papers, and her compassionate face. Her dog lying on his side slapped his tail against the floor. Sure enough, describing the office calmed me then, and when I see it now in my mind's eye I feel reassured once again. Despite all the valid reasons for staying in the present, however, the past plays an important role. I don't want to forget the achievements that still give me pride, and I certainly don't want to brush away the hard-won lessons that continue to help me find my way today. The problem is not that memories exist but that there are so many of them, pulling me in a thousand directions. The more years I try to ignore them, the more confusing they become. As I grow older and watch some of the graces of my body fade, rather than wanting to let the memories go, I want to make sense of them. I line my memories in order on a piece of paper and begin to notice sequences that make sense. Step by step, I increase my understanding of who I was, who I am, and who I am trying to become. Once I see myself taking shape on the page, I realize my life is turning into a story. I already know about the power of stories. Every time I read a suspenseful book or watch a movie, my attention is collected within the author's tale. I am "Being Here Now" inside their story. I gain that same benefit for my own life by writing about it. Writing reveals my role. I'm the hero in this story, and as the main character, I create an inner continuity that allows the past to flow into the present. Looking at the past isn't an escape, after all. On the contrary, organizing my life into a story helps me collect my energy and apply myself with conviction to living in the world today. --- More memoir writing resources To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here. To order my short, step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here. Note The "Be Here Now" philosophy was expressed beautifully in William Blake's poem "Auguries of Innocence" which starts out with the following quote. "To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour." The poem is famous for its implication that all of eternity is within grasp in the moment. When reading the rest of the poem for the first time, I made the remarkable discovery that it is most Philosophy, Spirituality/Transcendence, Writer's Motivation Jerry Waxler no no