http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 200 Essays and Interviews to Help You Read and Write Memoirs Fri, 03 Sep 2010 14:38:44 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 2006-2007 jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) Self-help 1440 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/LearnMemoirCoverFront-small.jpg http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 144 144 Reading and writing memoirs. Record the Stories of Your Life, tips, how-to, memoir book reviews, by Jerry Waxler memoir, writers, self-help, book-reviews, essays Jerry Waxler Jerry Waxler jerrywaxler@yahoo.com no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/mothers-daughter-abandonment/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/mothers-daughter-abandonment/#comments Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:03:21 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=231 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/mothers-daughter-abandonment/feed/ 0 9:07 by Jerry Waxler Linda Joy Myers' mother wanted to have fun, so she abandoned her little girl and moved from the Great Plains to the big ... by Jerry Waxler Linda Joy Myers' mother wanted to have fun, so she abandoned her little girl and moved from the Great Plains to the big city of Chicago. Linda Joy was raised by her grandmother, an erratic woman given to harsh rules enforced by rage. Linda Joy grew up with a heavy load of disheartening memories. After years of therapy, trying to sort out her feelings about her self-involved and mentally abusive caregivers, she began to write it all down. That first attempt turned out to be the beginning of a long journey. She tried again and again, and with each iteration, her story became more readable and less toxic than the one before. It took fifteen years from her first attempt to the publication of her memoir, "Don't Call Me Mother." This book demonstrates the power of persistence. By crafting the story until she got it right, Linda Joy Myers discovered amidst the wreckage of that little girl's childhood an intact human being, complete with courage, confidence, and dreams. Storytelling transformed her heartbreaking childhood into one stage in a much longer saga. Her suffering and then her healing provide both a tragedy and an inspiration about the wisdom a human can achieve in one life time. In the preface of "Don't Call Me Mother" she says, "Wrestling with words and images, putting myself into the story as a character, in the first person, present tense, forced me to integrate the self that I was with the witness I have become. This memoir has given me a profound sense of completion with the past, and a wonderful freedom. As I healed through the writing of this book, it too has evolved into a love song... The women who had once been my curses -- my eccentric, wild, emotion-wracked mother and grandmother-became my teachers." Click here for Linda Joy Myers' home page: Click here for the Amazon page for her book: I joined the author on her healing journey Even if she had not told me that writing the book helped her heal, I can feel it for myself. I join this little girl, cringing with her during Grandma's rages, and feeling relieved when they go on their annual trip to visit great grandmother, her mother's mother's mother, the most stable figure in Linda Joy's childhood. Looking for sighs of relief, of beauty and pride, I pour my heart into each moment of pleasure - her passion for cello playing; the encouragement of her music teacher; her first boy friend, a fellow musician; the wheat fields, like golden oceans, that offer a sense of unlimited space. As she begins to plan for college I lean forward into the future with her, straining towards escape from her stifling childhood, and longing for the day when she will be old enough and balanced enough to write the book I hold in my hands. Imagining that day converts horror to hope, knowing that the little girl grew up to write this story. Breaking the code of silence In addition to rejection by her mother and erratic and often abusive behavior of her grandmother, Linda Joy also fended off inappropriate sexual advances from her father during his annual visit. The people who gave her life used their power to confuse and undermine her. And like most abused kids, she learned the code of silence. I have heard many people in memoir workshops struggle with such memories, explaining, "I wouldn't want to talk about my family in that way. It would be disrespectful." Their reticence followed them into adulthood and continues to foster their shame. Linda Joy's mastery over her secrets, provides an inspiring example for any writer who longs to create a whole story from disturbing raw material. Such a journey towards openness takes you across treacherous internal terrain, overcoming the fears and confusion that have always protected these secrets.  Then, you face additional challenges from people who don't want to hear about child abuse. "Who wants to know things like that?" "That can't be true." "You're exaggerating." "You're making excuses." Only graduall Book Review, Heal from Abuse, Service Jerry Waxler no no