Is writing a memoir therapeutic?
By Jerry Waxler
Since I was a teenager, I tried to understand how my own mind works. I read Freud in high school and psychology was the first college course I ever took. Then I turned inside myself for insights. I’ve meditated since 1971, been in therapy for 15 years, and kept a journal for 20 years. After all this work, I finally found a way to make sense of my own mind. Rather than speculate who I might be, I simply review who I really am, by finding and writing stories of my life. Memoirs are a fascinating window into the workings of life, and they are filled with lessons that don’t require any jargon or psychological theory.
But it’s not easy to understand the past, lost as it is in hazy memories. Through a gradual process I’ve been piecing the past together, like an archaeologist reconstructing the Dead Sea Scrolls from tiny fragments. Over time, I am becoming more familiar with long forgotten periods. I am learning the trajectory of my life, how my hopes and dreams propelled me to arrive here. Introspection and recollection enable me to link together parts of myself which have been disconnected for years, and let me understand the people who have influenced my life.
To understand more about the effects of memoir writing, I look at my book shelf. What do self-help authors have to say on the subject? One of my favorite, Dan Goleman, in his classic “Emotional Intelligence” uses brain science to back up the claim that we can improve our feelings by describing them. Similar principles have been pursued for decades by Drs. Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis, founders of cognitive therapy, which teaches that people can change the way they feel by changing their thoughts. Just in the last few years, their work has been validated by brain imagery that shows brains while people label their emotions. Such imaging shows that words stimulate the thinking part of the brain and soothe the emotional part. Since describing emotions helps soothe people, it’s reasonable to assume that telling stories about emotions works at least as well.
As I study the relationship of writing and the mind, I begin to see my two great interests converge. It turns out that writing can be therapeutic. Many writing teachers have made this connection between powerful writing and genuine emotion. Natalie Goldberg, arguably the most influential writing teacher of our era, wants writing to bubble up from deep within our spiritual and emotional core. She calls such authentic writing “cutting to the bone.” For a more literary explanation of how memoirs heal, see the fantastic book Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives by Louise DeSalvo, a literature professor at Hunter college, an author and a scholar of the life and writings of Virginia Woolf. The book explores in a thousand ways how memoir writing heals.
Desalvo makes the case that writing is an introspective activity that lets us reach into our mind for words to help us make sense of life. By finding those words and writing them, we explain events long forgotten, or never clearly thought through. And then when we share these words, telling our story to others, we open ourselves to the healing effects of social connection.
During my many years of studying literature in school, and hearing stories told about fictional characters in movies and books, it never occurred to me that writing about life could be turned inward. After decades of searching, I’ve discovered the answer to many of my questions about healing and the mind might be answered by taking a fresh look at storytelling, turning it inward towards my own life.
Tags: healing, Introspection, memoir, Storytelling, therapy
September 28th, 2007 at 10:07 pm
I lead a group of women in my community through writing practice about twice a month. All three of these women work in social work and psychology. The first few times I wrote with them, all using writing practice and writing personal narrative, they commented that writing in that way was like therapy. Sound testimony coming for people who should know.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
Thanks for the validation, ybonesy.
September 29th, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Great blog, Jerry. I absolutely agree, memoir writing is theraputic. I think of the quote, “Physician heal thyself.” Well, this is “Writer heal thyself.” I started my first memoir over ten years ago. It was a bleeding, sappy piece of sentimental mush with moments of irate anger. All of that gushed on the page and dutifully taken to my poor little critique group to endure. And slowly, I began to not only work the page, work the words, work the story…I began to work and shape my life.
I;ve finished my second memoir, my first one’s published (Mothering Mother) and my second one (working title, Said Child) is under consideration at a publisher’s. Both have had many excerpts already published in magazines and reviews. It took a lot of work to learn to write a memoir in a way that is not maudlin, self-serving and navel gazing. But I found that the same work it took to clean up my writing and make it a valid, respectable piece of writing–did the same for me.
Jerry, I always enjoy your blog. Keep it up. You’re a memoir writer’s doula.
~Carol O’Dell
author of MOTHERING MOTHER
available on Amazon.
October 2nd, 2007 at 2:40 am
I just discovered your website, and love your explanations of how memoir writing works. I don’t often comment, but you really “get it” and articulate it beautifully.
Thank you!
October 2nd, 2007 at 11:30 am
Sunny, Thanks so much for your comments. I lolve that you have combined organizing and personal development in your blog and website. That’s a good combination.
Jerry
October 9th, 2007 at 7:40 am
I often refer to my blog as my therapy, Jerry. And yes, it’s pretty much a memoir at least a third to half the time too. Writing about my life gives me perspective. I discovered the value of journaling when my life was very busy. Writing about it enabled me to step back and see my experiences with new eyes. Memoir writing can be just as useful. Also, I see writing about my life as a teaching tool for myself and others. So YES! Memoir writing is absolutely therapeutic.
January 20th, 2008 at 7:06 am
Bravo, my friend. Very nice work.