http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 200 Essays and Interviews to Help You Read and Write Memoirs Fri, 03 Sep 2010 14:38:44 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 Copyright © 2010 Memory Writers Network jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) jerrywaxler@yahoo.com (Jerry Waxler) Self-help 1440 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/wp-content/plugins/podpress/images/LearnMemoirCoverFront-small.jpg http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog 144 144 Reading and writing memoirs. Record the Stories of Your Life, tips, how-to, memoir book reviews, by Jerry Waxler memoir, writers, self-help, book-reviews, essays Jerry Waxler Jerry Waxler jerrywaxler@yahoo.com no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-writing-self-development/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-writing-self-development/#comments Thu, 24 Sep 2009 11:20:08 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=592 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-writing-self-development/feed/ 6 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/joan-rivers-celebrity-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/joan-rivers-celebrity-memoir/#comments Wed, 01 Jul 2009 11:28:02 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=537 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/joan-rivers-celebrity-memoir/feed/ 0 8:49 By Jerry Waxler After learning so many lessons from Steve Martin's memoir "Born Standing Up," I wanted more, so I jumped in to Joan Rivers' memoir ... By Jerry Waxler After learning so many lessons from Steve Martin's memoir "Born Standing Up," I wanted more, so I jumped in to Joan Rivers' memoir "Enter Talking." Her path was remarkably similar to his. Year after year she too made a fool of herself in a desperate bid to please people, persisting through darkness, despair and frustration. What strange alignment of the stars caused these two comedians to suffer so we could laugh? (To see my essay about Steve Martin's journey click here.) While their tales may seem to apply only to the stratospheric world of big celebrity performers, both started as ordinary people. And so, I found lessons in both their journeys that helped me on my struggle to travel from no readers to as many as possible. Innovation makes publishers nervous One contradiction sits mysteriously at the center of both their journeys. On one hand, audiences and talent scouts want to be entertained by a fresh voice, and on the other hand, gatekeepers shy away from an act that is too different from the ones that are already making money. The road to success is littered with the dead acts and fatigued performers who have given up before making it through the gauntlet. And that's exactly what makes Rivers and Martin so interesting, so informative, and in the end so famous - their relentless pursuit of unique excellence and their refusal to follow the herd. By continuing to push, inch by painful inch, they made almost imperceptible progress, polishing their act, gaining allies, and after each disappointment learning a lesson that would help them do better next time. Their experience applies directly to memoir writers. Each memoir is its own thing. No one has ever done your particular life story before in your particular voice. But gatekeepers seek books that are similar to ones already on the bestseller list. How do you please them and stay true to yourself at the same time? These two memoirs offer insights into this seemingly impossible challenge. Different decade, different coast While the two memoirs bear remarkable similarities, they also have many differences. Steve Martin's home base was Los Angeles from which he traveled to college campuses and small clubs all over North America, coping with endless miles of loneliness. Rivers' home base was New York and her endless search was around town, begging agents' secretaries for a few minutes with the boss, begging for stints at night clubs, venturing out of town for gigs in the Catskills, and a stint at the Second City Improv in Chicago. Pacing of the memoir works like a thriller Despite her relentless efforts, for six years Joan Rivers only had scattered success in a few clubs and occasional tours. But the Holy Grail of national exposure on television eluded her. When Jack Paar invited her on to his influential television show, she thought she had arrived. Weirdly, after the show he told his producers not to invite her back, calling her a "liar." He didn't understand that her ironically exaggerated stories were jokes. Crushed, she returned to small clubs. After a few years, she was no longer a kid, and agents started to call her "old news," and said if she was going to succeed she would have already done so. Over and over she hit the wall of rejection. This heart breaking cycle continued for hundreds of pages, like in a thriller in which the smell of disaster encourages readers to move on to the next page. Finally, finally, at the very end of the book, her agent practically forced Johnny Carson's producers to accept her for a spot. From the moment she walked on to the set, Carson clicked with her humor. He laughed. He fed her lines. And he praised her on camera. The tension broke, and the next day her agent called to tell her she would not earn less than $300 a week for the rest of her life. In a surge of joy and accomplishment, Rivers shouted at the world "I was right." Satisfying Character Arc I found the almost abrupt end of the book to memoir, writers, self-help, book-reviews, essays Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/attitudes-memoir-writers/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/attitudes-memoir-writers/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2009 15:40:16 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=390 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/attitudes-memoir-writers/feed/ 5 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/#comments Sun, 10 Aug 2008 10:39:26 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/be-here-now-by-writing-a-memoir/feed/ 6 5:45 by Jerry Waxler When I first heard the phrase "Be Here Now" in the early seventies, it was from the title of a book by ... by Jerry Waxler When I first heard the phrase "Be Here Now" in the early seventies, it was from the title of a book by Ram Dass. According to the book, the best way to live a full life is to savor your direct experience, whether smelling a flower, watching a sunset, or even when experiencing the sadness of a loss. By paying close attention, you can penetrate the mysteries of the cosmos. As a hippie, I had little interest in learning from the past. And I certainly wasn't spending much time planning for the future. So I didn't think Ram Dass was telling me anything new. Then I went to work for a living and staggered under the pressure. No wonder I had avoided working for so long. This was hard! I looked for tools to help me regain my poise and one of the most powerful turned out to be the one I didn't think I needed -- To Be Here Now. I started to meditate, and with practice I did occasionally spot glimpses of peace right there in the office. I was grateful to take advantage of this ancient technique from the East. But the mystics never said success was easy. It may take a life time to get it right. Meanwhile, I continued to look for additional ways to make each moment better. One evening I complained to my therapist about feeling anxious. She said I would feel better if I brought my attention back to the moment, and she taught me a trick. Use words to describe my immediate surroundings. She said this verbal exercise would stimulate the cerebral cortex and put my conscious mind back in control. I looked around her office and noted her diploma hanging on the wall, her desk piled with papers, and her compassionate face. Her dog lying on his side slapped his tail against the floor. Sure enough, describing the office calmed me then, and when I see it now in my mind's eye I feel reassured once again. Despite all the valid reasons for staying in the present, however, the past plays an important role. I don't want to forget the achievements that still give me pride, and I certainly don't want to brush away the hard-won lessons that continue to help me find my way today. The problem is not that memories exist but that there are so many of them, pulling me in a thousand directions. The more years I try to ignore them, the more confusing they become. As I grow older and watch some of the graces of my body fade, rather than wanting to let the memories go, I want to make sense of them. I line my memories in order on a piece of paper and begin to notice sequences that make sense. Step by step, I increase my understanding of who I was, who I am, and who I am trying to become. Once I see myself taking shape on the page, I realize my life is turning into a story. I already know about the power of stories. Every time I read a suspenseful book or watch a movie, my attention is collected within the author's tale. I am "Being Here Now" inside their story. I gain that same benefit for my own life by writing about it. Writing reveals my role. I'm the hero in this story, and as the main character, I create an inner continuity that allows the past to flow into the present. Looking at the past isn't an escape, after all. On the contrary, organizing my life into a story helps me collect my energy and apply myself with conviction to living in the world today. --- More memoir writing resources To see brief descriptions and links to all the essays on this blog, click here. To order my short, step-by-step how-to guide to write your memoir, click here. Note The "Be Here Now" philosophy was expressed beautifully in William Blake's poem "Auguries of Innocence" which starts out with the following quote. "To see a world in a grain of sand, And a heaven in a wild flower, Hold infinity in the palm of your hand, And eternity in an hour." The poem is famous for its implication that all of eternity is within grasp in the moment. When reading the rest of the poem for the first time, I made the remarkable discovery that it is most Philosophy, Spirituality/Transcendence, Writer's Motivation Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/story-extends-my-optimism-to-infinity/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/story-extends-my-optimism-to-infinity/#comments Sat, 09 Feb 2008 13:41:47 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/story-extends-my-optimism-to-infinity/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/story-extends-my-optimism-to-infinity/feed/ 4 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/is-it-narcissism-to-share-your-story/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/is-it-narcissism-to-share-your-story/#comments Tue, 02 Oct 2007 05:02:27 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/?p=11 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/is-it-narcissism-to-share-your-story/feed/ 7 00:01:01 by Jerry Waxler (This blog is also available as an audio file. See the Podcast player control at the end of this post.) A woman in ... by Jerry Waxler (This blog is also available as an audio file. See the Podcast player control at the end of this post.) A woman in my workshop wondered if it's narcissistic to write a memoir. I take such objections seriously, because they can drain away enthusiasm from this project. To help anticipate and refute these objections, I've compiled a list of some of the top reasons people have proposed for not writing a memoir and offered suggestions on how to bust through each one. But before you invest too much time in refuting any specific reason, step back and consider the way you achieve any goal. Take for example going on a vacation. The suitcase is too small, traffic clogs the road to the airport, and the flight is delayed. But you don't turn back. You keep going. The obstacles are part of the journey, and in a sense are steps along the way. You are determined to reach your destination and after you push through obstacles, you reach the beach. Writing a memoir is the same thing. You want it, you overcome the obstacles, and you reach your goal. If you feel mired in objections, switch your perspective. Instead of feeling like a victim of objections, become a strategist, turning your intelligence towards defeating doubts. Like a martial artist, turn doubt against itself. Doubt your doubt. Think skeptically about what it claims. Punch holes in it and watch its energy deflate. So now, with a critical eye, the reasons why some people worry that writing memoirs is self involved. Is it because thinking about yourself is bad? Such a restriction would stop you from more than just writing your memoir. Without self-awareness you would be stuck. Understanding yourself is a generous act that can help you become a kinder person, more willing to serve others, less angry, more harmonious. By reducing the grip of regrets, and other self-involved emotions from the past, you become lifted out of your own worries, and as a result more caring toward others. Perhaps you fear that it's wrong and shameful to expect other people to read your story. I suppose at first glance that might seem self-involved… unless it's a well-told story that gives the reader pleasure or simply offers them another slant of the human condition. You're giving them a gift, and so, it would be selfish to withhold it. To find out more about this concern of memoirs and narcissism, I turned to an article from the wonderful collection of essays in Slate Magazine's Memoir Week. In this collection, there is a history of memoir bashing by Ben Yagoda. The article makes the claim that the spate of memoirs proves we're becoming more narcissistic. To back up the claim, Yagoda includes impressive sounding quotes by famous writers. But just because a bunch of people express strong opinions doesn't make their opinions right. I think their case falls apart when you look behind the curtain and see what they are doing. These writers are standing on their public platform complaining that other people want a share of the platform. Apparently they would prefer you pay attention only to them, or to people they deem worthy. Perhaps they sincerely believe the world will be a better place if we only allow the elite to speak to us. But that seems so out of step with our times. Haven't we evolved beyond this point of view? In the 19th century, the masses "knew their place" at the bottom of the pile, waiting for truths to come from pundits. In the 20th century, we became a faceless mob, drowning in logos, and slogans, fodder for marketers who wanted to know us only by our demographic categories so they could sell us stuff. Ironically, when my generation was growing up, we all decided to express our individuality the same way, by wearing blue jeans. The marketers had a field day. Rather than breaking out of the mold, we created a new one. I think many of us are ready to move beyond the authoritarian model of the 19th century, and the anonymous masses of the 20th century. In Narcissism, Writer's Motivation Jerry Waxler no no http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-memoir-writing-helps-you-now/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-memoir-writing-helps-you-now/#comments Fri, 21 Sep 2007 10:00:25 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-memoir-writing-helps-you-now/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/10-ways-memoir-writing-helps-you-now/feed/ 4 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-reclaims-fading-memories/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-reclaims-fading-memories/#comments Fri, 14 Sep 2007 11:12:45 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-reclaims-fading-memories/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/memoir-reclaims-fading-memories/feed/ 2 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/money-is-a-good-reason-to-write-a-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/money-is-a-good-reason-to-write-a-memoir/#comments Thu, 06 Sep 2007 10:05:21 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/money-is-a-good-reason-to-write-a-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/money-is-a-good-reason-to-write-a-memoir/feed/ 1 http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/ten-reasons-youre-not-too-old-to-write-your-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/ten-reasons-youre-not-too-old-to-write-your-memoir/#comments Mon, 27 Aug 2007 10:17:57 +0000 jerrywaxler http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/ten-reasons-youre-not-too-old-to-write-your-memoir/ http://memorywritersnetwork.com/blog/ten-reasons-youre-not-too-old-to-write-your-memoir/feed/ 2