Category Archives: Aging

Harry Bernstein reveals the Invisible Wall

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by Jerry Waxler

I am reading the Invisible Wall by Harry Bernstein. The reason I heard about this book and decided to read it was because of the buzz that it generated when Bernstein, now 96 years old, wrote this, his first published book when he was 93. That’s a story in itself, and inspiring to anyone who thinks it’s too late. That gives me 36 more years of productive writing ahead of me!! If I get started now, I still have the full span of a career ahead of me. And by the way, Bernstein has recently sold his second book.

So what can I share about memoirs by reading this book? First of all, I ask what makes this memoir tick? It combines two types of memoir: a coming of age story –Harry is just starting school, around 6 years old, and he shares his observations from that tiny perspective as he tries to make sense of the world. And it’s an immigration story. Both of his parents came from the old country, Poland, and moved to England. They are living on a block, an enclave, a sort of ghetto with other Polish Jews on one side of the street. And on the other side of the street are non-Jews. The Invisible Wall of the title is the wall of animosity and suspicion that runs down the center of the street and separates Jew from non-Jew.

When I read the synopsis, about growing up in England in the beginning of the century, and in particular growing up in the cultural tension of this street, I wanted to read more. For some reason which I find fascinating, even though my own grandparents came from Russia, I emotionally feel connected to England as the mother country. I guess it’s all that English literature, King Arthur, Shakespeare, and Charles Dickens. (Did those stories help me define my roots, more even than my own grandparents?) So I’m drawn to read this story to learn more about another generation of Jews being indoctrinated in the culture of the mother country.

Within the book, I find an interesting surprise. The author shows me both sides of the wall. Of course I see the fear of the children, as they walk to school terrified that they will be beat up by anti-semitic bullies. That’s the side of the wall one expects in a book that contains anti-semitism. But inside the home, I get to see the other side. Like Maria in West Side Story, when a girl from the Jewish side is drawn to a boy on the non-Jewish side, Bernstein shows us his mother’s graphic gut-wrenching fear.

I feel the emotions of the girls, reaching out to boys in the dominant culture with love. And the loathing from the parents, trying to maintain their old culture. It’s a beautiful melting pot story. Like the parents in West Side Story who beg their daughter to “stick with your own kind” Bernstein’s people desperately try to keep the children on the “right” side of the invisible wall. And there are other powerful emotions I identify with in this story. I am terrified and disgusted when I hear Harry’s father come into the house, abusive and drunk. I am anxious and hopeful when his mother figures out a way to make some money on her own.

So here is the magic of how the memoir draws in a reader. I see the world from the protagonist’s eyes. I want him to survive. I want his pain to be resolved. And he lets me get inside these emotions by showing them openly. It’s hard to write so boldly about one’s own raw emotions. I know it how hard it is for me. I suspect that Bernstein’s many decades gave him enough distance from the intensity, so he was able to see the emotions more clearly. So there’s another lesson I can take away from reading this book. Not only do I still have time. But as I grow older, my perspective of my life grows more interesting and deeper.

Note
For my essay about Harry Bernstein’s second memoir, The Dream, click here.

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Truth, Lies, and Memories

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by Jerry Waxler

I’ve been transcribing recorded interviews from a digital recorder recently. I listen to the tape, and type it into my document, and if I miss something, which is often, I go back and listen to it again. I’ve noticed a peculiar thing about this project. As I listen and type, I often get the words wrong. I remember the sense of what they said, but I misremember the word choices only seconds after I hear them.

That calls into doubt the truth of any conversation I try to repeat. If I try to write some dialog, say from a year ago, or ten or twenty, I’m certain to get the words “wrong.” Does that make me a liar? Or more relevant to the topic of memoirs, does it make it fictional?

The fact is it’s difficult to remember conversations verbatim, and probably very few of us do it. It’s even harder to remember colors. In fact, two people can be sitting in front of a painting, and each will have a different set of words to describe the painting. Words only capture the best approximation of a thing, not the thing itself.

My mother and her sister would often get into arguments over how their childhood worked. I never really understood the nuances of their arguments – they were both too edgy about it to explain it clearly, but it had something to do with whether their childhood was happy. Their differences in memory certainly had something to do with the fact that they were seven years apart, so they grew up almost in different decades. A lot can happen in those seven years, and their experience could have been very different because of the changes in the world, and in their parents. And they had very different siblings. One had a sister seven years her elder and the other had a sister seven years her junior. I believe we all tend to underestimate the effect our siblings have on us. They are children, just like us, but their presence creates an important part of our environment. They indeed have different memories. Does that make either one true and the other false?

In my opinion, each has the right to remember her own story. Memoir writing is about our best memory, and if you hold yourself to some artificial standard of pure Truth, you’ll never be able to sit down and write. Memoir writing is story telling. If repeating dialog makes it a good story, it doesn’t matter to me as a reader if that differs from the actual dialog.

I just started reading the memoir “Invisible Wall” by Harry Bernstein. He begins with a scene he remembers from when he was 4 years old. He was 93 when he wrote it. That makes the memory 89 years old. I’m sure there are details in his account that are different from the events that actually took place. But I am thrilled to be reading the story that Bernstein tells, I am willing to suspend my concerns about truth of events decades ago, in exchange for the pleasure of the living, vibrant reality of Bernstein’s story of those events. Thank you Mr. Bernstein, and all you budding memoirists in the world, for sharing your story.

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Never too late. Harry Bernstein’s first Memoir at 93!

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by Jerry Waxler

I was wrong. You can wait before writing your memoir. Author Harry Bernstein started his first memoir when he was 93, and it’s just coming out now that he’s 96. This is great news for anyone who thinks it’s too late, or they are too lonely or tired. There’s plenty of time.

In fact, there are several benefits of writing your memoir later in life:

  • The world is changing so fast that your memories from a few decades ago seem like you’re telling about a foreign land. This adds a flavor of distinction to your memories, without you needing to do anything fantastic.
  • Long term memory is the most persistent. As we age, our short term memory becomes more difficult but longer term memory persists. You can find all sorts of memories lurking in there once you start looking, at any age.
  • Because you’ve been alive lots of years, you can see the way events unfold across decades. This ability to see the long view adds a sense of wisdom and continuity to your perspective that younger people can only get from books – such as the one you write.
  • You have time.

Bernstein already has a contract for his second book. And that’s the reason his story popped into my mind. I was sitting at my desk thinking how odd it feels not to be working towards a book deadline. I just sent my book “Learn to write your memoir in four weeks” and am thinking about which one of my next projects to focus on. I thought, “Writing books is addictive” and then I remembered this quote from the article about Harry Bernstein.

“Now that he’s got the hang of book writing, Bernstein says he could probably write a few more and is considering writing about his marriage. His second book, “The Dream,” is almost finished and centers on the family’s move to the United States; Ballantine has already signed on as the American publisher.”

I’m also finding, once you get the hang of it, immersing yourself in writing a book is as addictive as immersing yourself in reading one.

The title is “Invisible Wall” about growing up in England a long time ago. I can’t say too much about it yet, because I just ordered it. But when I read it, I’ll share my observations and teaching points in this blog.

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Click here to read my article about Invisible Wall.

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